Assertiveness is a term unknown to many of us. Yet within assertive behavior lies the key to improving our relationships, making them clearer and calmer, learning to be respected while respecting,  and enhancing our communication together.

Our everyday behaviors can generally be of three types:

  • Passive
  • Assertive
  • Aggressive

We are sometimes passive, sometimes aggressive, and sometimes assertive, and almost always we are not aware of what type of behavior we adopt in the different situations we find ourselves in.

It happens that we give in to passivity when we are in front of an aggressive person; similarly, we tend to become aggressive when we encounter a passive subject. In short: Passivity and Aggressiveness are complementary to each other. Assertiveness, on the other hand, means starting to break this dualism.

Even a habitually passive person is likely to become aggressive when anger builds up, just as after an aggressively stated demand, one might attempt to recover the relationship by adopting a passive behavior.

Some examples?

How many times do we passively endure our bosses or customers only to explode with aggressively stated demands?
And how many times do we tend to blame others only to realize that we are becoming isolated and therefore become passive?

This dualism between passivity and aggressiveness is so present in our everyday lives that I find myself wondering why, since we are young, in school, they do not teach what a magical resource simple assertiveness is, that is, learning how to be respected while respecting.

Assertiveness and relationship

If relating means entering a communication dynamic in which two or more thoughts interact, each with full legitimacy and each with the full right to be expressed, then assertive communication is the best way to communicate.

Instead, in school and even before at home, there tends to be a creation of power hierarchies where those higher up have the right to impose their thoughts, and those below must passively endure.

Assertive communication is characterized by a precise axiom: placing one's own "self" at the center without ever overshadowing others, maturing the awareness together that one's own "self" is also the primary responsible for what we dislike.

Every opinion deserves to be defended, even with effort and perseverance, but never with the assumption that it is right a priori, perhaps because I "studied"!

If we find ourselves faced with an opinion expressed aggressively, we must manage to express our opinion with respect and firmness. Assertive communication has a powerful and effective force, even when adopted towards an aggressive individual.

What it means to be assertive

Being assertive means, first of all, respecting one's own "place" in the world. It means  respecting the "place" that everyone has in the world. Being assertive means abandoning the idea that the world should "turn" only in the way that pleases us. We all have our own opinion, but if we are truly mature and  aware of our behaviors, it is necessary to have the capacity to welcome alternative, different, if not better ideas than our own. At the same time, our opinion must be expressed with dignity and confidence.

Assertiveness means not passively enduring the arrogance of others, be it the boss, the partner, the father, or the older brother. Being able to express one's position with clear firmness but with intense respect for the other is the basis for building assertive communication.

#Assertivitá,